


Hello and Welcome to the Robin's Café

by JCBookworm



Series: Welcome to the Robin's Café [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Batfamily, Batfamily Feels, Batfamily Shenanigans, Gen, I swear I didn't forget Cass, even thought the batfam doesn't have powers anyway so, she'll be in the next one, steph didn't sign up for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 16:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCBookworm/pseuds/JCBookworm
Summary: OR: How Stephanie Brown joined the Batfamily.Steph pretty much only had this job to help pay for her tuition. Sure, the pay was great, the hours were good and she loved her coworkers (even if Tim thought that five in the morning was a reasonable opening time), but she did not love Tim's mess of a family.Not really.Okay, maybe a tiny bit.





	Hello and Welcome to the Robin's Café

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first batfam fanfiction (and my first on ao3, I actually love the layout of this website) so sorry if the characterisation is off. (Particularly for Jason, but I really needed him to talk to someone.) Also the formatting? Probably gone wrong somewhere. Anyway, enjoy!~

Steph had been working in the Robin’s café for about a month now. It was nice – good pay, easy to get to and reasonably flexible hours.  
Okay, so the hours were good in that they meant she could still go to high school. Not so much in that occasionally she had to get to work for super early, because apparently Tim didn’t understand regular human sleep schedules.  
Her other colleagues were great, all three around her age, so they would sometimes meet up elsewhere. Harper had almost instantly become her best friend, and her brother Cullen (who made the best cupcakes) was easy to talk with. Tim was… well, he was Tim. Her mum was way better now, and they made sure that they had weekly movie nights together to ‘bond’. Her dad was out of the picture. For good, this time.  
So yeah, life was good.  
The only problem with working in a coffee shop was that the customers were sometimes strange—or, more specifically, that Tim’s family were probably insane.

**Dick**

  
Six o’clock was too early, Steph had decided, for anyone – anyone – to be happy. The majority of the people who had shown up so far this morning were students looking desperately for some coffee and people on their way to work looking for the same thing but in a much more harried manner. This was good. This was ordinary. This was, in fact, extremely convenient because Steph also didn’t want to talk to anyone this early in the morning.  
“Hey!”  
So people like this who had come in – six in the morning – with this wide grin and chipper tone of voice were the bane of her existence.  
“What can I get you this morning?” Steph asked, barely even trying to put any emotion into her voice. The man barely even glanced at the menu before ordering a large caramel and chocolate frappe with whipped cream and syrup. A shame, really, because Steph could normally appreciate a sugar overdose.  
“Coming right up,” she said with a bit more friendliness. Because if she didn’t appreciate a fellow sugar connoisseur, then who would? The man beamed and held out his hand.  
“Dick,” he said. And – wow. That was not the most pleasant thing to hear. Maybe she wasn’t the most eager this early, but there was no need for that kind of language. She should just drop guys altogether, stick to girls. So much for fellowship of the sugary drinks—  
“My name!” He almost yelled, an expression of horror across his face. “Sorry. That’s my name. Dick. Richard. Grayson.”  
Okay never mind.  
“Ah,” Steph said instead, shaking his hand in relief. “Steph.”  
Dick beamed again. “Nice to meet you.” His eyes flicked around the shop. “Is Tim here?”  
Steph raised an eyebrow. “No, he’s not in yet. Do you want me to pass on a message?”  
Dick shook his head, but his smile had definitely dimmed a little. “Nah. I’m just headed back to Blüdhaven and wanted to say a quick goodbye. I missed him this morning.”  
Nodding slightly, Steph finished off the whipped cream and handed over the frappe. “Well I’ll tell him you stopped by,” she offered. Dick nodded in thanks and headed out the door, waving a goodbye as he went.

“Tim,” Steph greeted him as he entered, later that day. “You have a message.”  
He glanced up, frowning. Harper tilted her head, listening in to the conversation.  
“Some guy called Dick Grayson came in earlier? Wanted to say bye, I told him I’d pass it on,” she expanded.  
“Oh, I missed him?”  
“His name was Dick?”  
Both responses came at the same time, so Steph swatted Harper for the latter comment. “Yeah. How do you know him?”  
Tim gave a half-hearted shrug. “He’s my brother.”

-o-o-o-

“I can’t believe he has a brother he never told us about.”  
“Wild.”

-o-o-o-

“Hiya, Steph!”  
Dick was back again with his wide smile. And his intensely sugar filled drinks, which were always more fun to make than just plain coffee. He took a seat, waved at Cullen in the back, and pulled out a sudoku. They sat there like that for a while, Dick jotting down quick numbers and Steph making the occasional drink. Then the near silence was broken by the jaunty ringtone of ABBA from Dick’s phone. There was a brief second in which Dick looked as though he were going to pretend it wasn’t his phone, but he simply muttered, “That’s… um, my brother changed it and… yeah,” before hurriedly answering it.  
Steph debated very quickly between respecting his privacy and listening in, then almost instantly decided on the latter.  
He was Tim’s brother, there was no way he wouldn’t expect it.  
“Hey Babs… no, I- what? Yeah the turkey’s his, he’s telling the truth. No, it’s sweet! Right, well- what was that noise? Babs? Oh my… I’ll be right over.” His head darted up to stare at Steph with a panicked expression. “I have to leave.” And with that, he was gone, his sudoku and bag left on the counter.  
Of course.

-o-o-o-

Steph saw Dick again when she was walking home from school in the pouring rain. A sleek black car slowed next to her, and she tried to fight the urge to start running.  
“Hey! Need a lift?”  
Maybe she should have just gone for it.  
“No thank you,” she began, securing her grip on her bag strap. “I’m fine—Dick?”  
She had finally turned her head to see Dick at the wheel of the car. There was a pretty redheaded woman in the passenger seat, who smiled at Steph.  
“Oh, hey,” she said when she’d remembered that they were all waiting in silence. “Um… no thank you.” At that very moment, lightning flashed through the sky, accompanied by both a roll of thunder and a doubling of the rain. Dick raised an eyebrow at her. “Yes, please,” Steph amended, scrambling into the back.  
The car was warm, leather seats heated. Steph almost let out a whistle.  
“Steph, this is Barbara,” Dick introduces, waving a hand at the woman next to him. “Babs, Stephanie. She’s Tim’s friend.”  
“Nice to meet you,” Barbara said, smiling at her. “I’m Dick’s girlfriend.”  
Steph gives her a once-over, sends a glance at Dick, and then looks back to her.  
“You must have been pretty desperate,” she said.  
Barbara let out a bark of laughter over Dick’s offended squawk.

**Duke**

  
It was absolutely pouring outside as Steph entered the warmth of the coffee shop. It was one of their off hours, which luckily meant that there was time to dry off slightly before she had to really start work. She couldn’t wait to tell Tim about her last criminology lesson.  
“Hey Tim,” she called out as she entered the back room to hang up her coat. “You would not believe what just happened—”  
She stopped short when she came face to face with some random guy. “Hello,” he smiled. “Sorry, I just need to…” he manoeuvred past her with a bag of coffee beans and set to work out front.

**Steph**  
Um????  
There’s some random guy working here  
Did tim tell u about a new staff member???

  
**Harper**  
What?  
No he didn’t say anything  
Wdym

  
**Steph**  
[1 image]  
I have never seen this guy in my life?????

  
**Harper**  
Whts he doing

  
**Steph**  
Just working  
Like serving coffee n everything  
Gonna ask wish me luck

“Um, hello?” Steph stuffed her phone in her coat pocket and made her way up to the stranger. “I’m really sorry, but… who… are you?”  
The guy blinked, then started. “Oh! Right. Duke Thomas.”  
Steph stared at him a bit more because this really didn’t give many answers.  
He tilted his head.  
“Did Tim not text you?” The expression on her face must have given away that Tim had, in fact, not texted her. “Right. He couldn’t come in today so I volunteered to do it instead. Brothers, am I right?”

**Harper**  
Any answers?

  
**Steph**  
I’ll call u later

-o-o-o-

Duke was actually pretty cool. He had great stories about Tim, which Steph had carefully filed away for future blackmail- sorry, ‘friendly banter’. He also made great coffee, which was always good, especially after a long shift. Honestly, part of her was beginning to prefer Duke over his brother – both of them, since Tim apparently had two?  
“So then he just slipped on the banana peel and went flying down the steps,” Duke, who had just stopped by, recounted as Harper and Cullen laughed and Tim looked distraught. Steph kind of thought she heard him mutter something about how untrue he was, very easily didn’t believe him. She might have said something, but at that moment Dick entered, along with a redhead in a wheelchair.  
“Duke!” He exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were stopping by!” He waved heartily, almost smacking Babs’ glasses off her face. She sighed—slightly irritated, mostly fond—and wheeled herself over to where Steph was standing.  
“Hey,” she greeted. Steph grinned back. She actually loved Babs, who was all at once the big sister she’d never had and Dick’s constantly exasperated yet balanced companion. “I didn’t know you knew Duke.”  
“Yeah,” Steph informed her. “He sometimes helps out in the café. I think he just stops by because he’s bored, but he’s cool so it’s whatever.”  
Babs nodded thoughtfully. “That or he wants more friends. Though he does have his little group… maybe he just wanted something to relax.”  
At Steph’s questioning look, Babs made a gesture with her hands. “Y’know. The parkour?”  
Steph continued to look blank. Babs frowned. “Didn’t he tell you? For some reason he always forgets to mention it to people. Yeah, him and his friends have this group—the ‘Signals’—and they go around free-running on rooftops. Dick and the others join in sometimes. Duke’s really good.”  
“Sorry, what?!”

**Jason**

  
It was a cold, windy day when Jason Todd walked through the door of the café. There were very few people inside, only a couple of parents and their bratty entitled son, as everyone else had been scared into their houses by the weather. The parents took one look at the new customer in his leather clothes, biker helmet under one arm, and the suspicious lump which may have been a gun, and immediately left. Steph couldn’t say that she wasn’t relieved.  
“Hi, what can I get you today?” She asked Mr. Biker cheerily. Actually, up close he looked quite young – or, at least, younger than she had thought. He examined the menu for a second, then requested a cup of tea and pulling out the suspicious lump, which turned out to be a well-thumbed copy of Emma. Steph bit her inside lip to prevent herself from laughing at the absurdity of it all.

The guy sat there for another quarter of an hour before Steph decided to interrupt his reading.  
Hey, she was bored. Sue her.  
“So…” she began searching for a topic. “Jane Austen, huh?”  
The man glanced up. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “My… grandfather introduced me.” There was another brief period of silence before he spoke again. “Are you the only one who works here?”  
Steph smiled at him and shook her head. “Nah. Harper left to grab something just before you got here. Then there’s her brother, Cullen, and there’s Tim. Apparently his brother now fills in for him too sometimes.” She tilted her head, suddenly very curious about leather-wearing Jane-Austen-fan. “Do you have brothers?”  
After only a moment of reluctance, he nodded. “Yeah. Four of them. And a sister.”  
Steph huffed out a noise of vague sympathy. “Ouch. That’s a lot of birthdays.”  
The man levelled her with a calculating glance, then let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah it is,” he admitted. “I’m Jason.”

-o-o-o-

Jason came in two days later at the same time with a different book and Steph smiled to herself.

-o-o-o-

Of course, this didn’t last. The third time Jason came in, he was in a storming rage. He didn’t have anything with him, just sat at the end of the counter silently fuming. Steph made a split second decision, making a chamomile tea and a hot chocolate and muttering a request to Harper.  
“Hey,” she grinned, walking over to Jason and placing the tea down in front of him. “Wanna talk?”

“So your dad phoned,” Steph clarified slowly. Jason nodded, staring into the cup as though it would answer all of his problems. “And you… don’t get on.” Jason shook his head. “Care to explain?”  
Jason bit his lip, and Steph leaned over slightly. “You don’t have to tell me, of course. It’s just sometimes easier to talk to someone who isn’t involved. I mean, you’re the only one of your family I know!”  
Jason bit back what actually seemed to be a smile, but he nodded and began to talk.

-o-o-o-

Jason’s dad sounded awful, and he definitely needed some counselling (and maybe a hug) but all in all, he was a great customer. He only came in when it was her shift, and it was on one of the quiet times when there was basically nothing to do, so it gave her a nice break from the monotonous procedures of before. She thought he might get on well enough with Tim, but he never came in at the right times.  
It was easy to talk to Jason as well, even if the guy was kind of aggressive—though this was Gotham, she should be used to that. They had loads to bond over, such as having grown up in similar neighbourhoods, or having rubbish fathers.  
“So you came back and—what?” Steph asked over her hot chocolate. Jason shook his head.  
“He’d already adopted another child,” he explained. “Didn’t even wait half a year. Which is the most pathetic mourning period ever, like—" he shook his head again and finished the drink. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m exaggerating, right?”  
Steph shrugged.  
“I mean, he probably didn’t have his hopes up—it was a pretty bad situation.” Jason continued. “Maybe I should have let him explain himself. But I was… so angry. Just—I don’t know.”  
Steph shrugged again. Jason let out a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face. “Sorry about this. I wouldn’t normally just talk about it all.”  
Shaking her hair back from her face, Steph leaned forward over the counter. “It’s not a problem, Jason.” She assured him. “I don’t mind—and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk.”  
God, she should become like a therapist or something.  
Jason grinned at her. Then they both changed the subject to the recent episode of a TV show, because it was getting very sappy.

-o-o-o-

Jason seemed much lighter the next time he entered. Steph glanced up at him.  
“You seem happy,” she remarked. “Everything go alright?”  
Jason nodded. “Yup,” he replied. “Well it was a bit awkward with Bruce. But I got to talk to my brothers.”  
Steph smiled at him. “That’s good. Are you all reconnecting properly?”  
Jason gave a half shrug. “Yeah,” he agreed after a moment. “I mean, I kind of was before? But it’s easier now that me and B are talking.”  
His phone buzzed and he checked it for a second, typing something in.  
“Actually, do you mind if I meet one of them here? He just texted me.”  
Steph nodded, and they spent the next five minutes chatting about random things, when the bell rang over the door. Turning to see Tim standing there, Steph waved him over.  
“Tim,” she greeted when he was closer. “Oh! This is Jason.”  
Both of them stared at Steph for a second. Then Tim broke the silence with, “Yeah. I know.” He pulled out a seat. “He’s my brother.”

**Damian**

  
Brother number four was dropped off by a rather rushed-looking Dick, with a quick yell of ‘Please watch him I’ll explain later’ before he raced out. Steph stared blankly at the angry looking child. Behind her, Harper raised an eyebrow.  
“Do you think Dick accidentally kidnapped a child?” She whispered in Steph’s ear as she walked past. Steph stifled a laugh and turned to the boy, asking what he wanted. The boy sneered and pulled out a flask.  
“I have no need for your little drinks,” he said in a snotty tone which merely came across as hilarious when paired with his high voice. “I have my own. Prepared by someone who knows what they’re doing.”  
Steph blinked. Harper almost choked back a scoff. “We do know what we’re doing,” she retorted instead, “given that this is our actual job.”  
The small boy – Demon(?) – rolled his green eyes. “Given that Drake also works here,” he replied in his posh accent, “your assessment of skill set is rather lacking.”  
“You know Tim?” Harper asked, interested. Steph gasped.  
“Are you two brothers?” She guessed. Jason had mentioned four brothers, and this did seem more likely than ‘Dick kidnapped a child’. Demon scowled.  
“Not for long,” he muttered darkly, but then refused to speak again.

-o-o-o-

“Thanks so much,” Dick exclaimed when he returned. “I was called in for one of my cases in Blüdhaven and couldn’t find anyone to look after Dami.”  
“I wonder why,” Harper hissed quietly. Steph swatted her.  
“No problem,” Steph replied brightly. Dick looked as though he could read the lie, but grinned anyway.  
“Excellent!” He crowed. “Because he actually needs a babysitter for next weekend, I’ll text you the details.”

-o-o-o-

Dick turned out to be kidding about the babysitting, which was very lucky but did prove Steph’s theory that Tim’s family, with the possible exception of Duke, were all evil.  
Damian was no exception.  
“That’s incorrect,” he pointed out as Steph made a note in one of her schoolbooks. She rolled her eyes.  
“No, it’s not,” she replied. He made a noise with his tongue – which was, Steph noticed, an annoying habit of his.  
“Yes, it is,” he insisted, glowering. Steph gave an exaggerated sigh and threw her pen on the table.  
“Well then,” she bit out. “You tell me just what I’ve done wrong today.”  
Damian raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.  
“No,” he replied eventually. “I don’t believe I will.” And with that, he left.  
Steph cursed at the small demon’s back.  
She cursed even more when she saw that he’d been right.

-o-o-o-

The next time Damian came in, he was followed by a dog, which was weird because Steph could have sworn that dogs were supposed to run away from evil.  
“Why do you have a dog in here, Damian?” she asked, already beginning to question her life choices. “Wait, no, let me guess… you stole him in order to perform a sacrifice to your Dark Father.”  
Damian blinked.  
“What are you blabbering on about, Brown?” He asked after a second. “I have no intentions of sacrificing Titus to anyone. And besides, father would have no interest in receiving such a—”  
“Never mind,” sighed Steph, who had forgotten that Damian couldn’t comprehend sarcasm. Really, for such a posh kid, he was seriously lacking in several areas of knowledge.  
Damian nodded his head once and seated himself. “I shall have my usual,” he decided (he’d finally agreed to order from the café rather than bring in his own drink). “Titus—” and here he gestured to the black Great Dane seated patiently by his feet, “—will have some water. Here is his bowl.”  
It was kind of strange to witness. ‘Titus’ didn’t make a single noise, just sat there occasionally lapping up the water. The only time he really did anything else was when someone came a bit too close to Damian, and the dog sat alert facing the intruder until they’d moved on and Damian had placed a comforting hand on his head. Which was kind of sweet.

-o-o-o-

**Tim**  
SOS

**Steph**  
???

**Tim**  
Demon brat’s kidnapped someone

**Steph**  
I really hope that’s a joke

**Tim**  
Well they’re round here  
And I can’t see why he’d come willingly  
Omg  
Omg

**Steph**  
TELL ME

**Tim**  
Demon is… laughing?

**Steph**  
How???

**Tim**  
I’m not sure  
I didn’t know he knew how to laugh

-o-o-o-

Steph finally got to meet Damian’s friends (minions? Hench-people?) after school one day. They burst in, a chattering mess with Damian firmly planted in the centre. Steph watched, almost shocked, as one of the girls spun round and ruffled his hair, laughing – Damian didn’t even react, merely rolled his eyes with a small smile as he corrected it.  
Which was unbelievable, as Steph had ruffled Damian’s hair once and he’d almost broken her wrist.  
The group of children all squashed themselves into a corner table. Damian waited a second, then got up and made his way to the counter.  
“Demon!” Steph exclaimed in a stage whisper. “You have friends! Are you going to introduce me?”  
Damian narrowed his eyes. “Do not embarrass yourself in front of my frie—acquaintances, Brown,” he warned. “We did not come here to be bothered by that.”  
Luckily for Steph, Damian was surprisingly bad at hiding his emotions, so she didn’t take as much offense as she maybe would normally.  
“Mmkay, Demon,” she agreed. “I won’t talk to your friends or tell them any embarrassing stories—”  
“Non-existent.”  
“—so long as you tell me their names. Alright with you?”  
Damian frowned for a second but apparently preferred to be teased by Steph with their names than by his friends with actual stories, and turned to face the table.  
“The boy on the end is Jonathan,” he said gesturing to a boy in a blue hoodie who looked weirdly similar to Tim’s boyfriend. “Next to him is Maya—then Billy, Maps, and Colin, on the end. Happy?”  
“Delighted.”  
Damian gathered the tray Steph had been placing the drinks on.  
“My thanks, Brown,” Damian said as he began to walk away, but Steph spoke before he could leave.  
“Why’d you come here?”  
“What?”  
“There are loads of places to eat in the city. You always say that you hate it here. So why did you bring your friends here?”  
Damian hesitated.  
“Perhaps,” he admitted reluctantly. “Perhaps I don’t find it… intolerable. Here.”  
Steph grinned at his back.  
Maybe, she thought, watching him pass Colin a drink and laughing as Maps got cream on her nose, he wasn’t so bad.  
Even if he was a demon.

**Bruce (+ Alfred)**

  
Steph met Tim’s dad last. Which was ironic, given that he was the one she really should have known about.  
To be honest, Steph was surprisingly behind on the tabloids and didn’t overly like reading about the personal lives and families of celebrities, because it was weird and creepy. Or so she felt, at least.  
But she did know who Bruce Wayne was – obviously, as she lived in Gotham – and know, generally, that he had a bunch of kids. Just not who they were.  
Certainly not that they were one of her best friends and his insane family.

-o-o-o-

“You must be Stephanie,” the man greeted her, which, creepy. “Tim’s told me so much about you.”  
Okay so Tim was at fault which was easy enough to believe.  
“Hi,” she said in reply. “Yeah, I’m Steph…anie. Stephanie. And you’re Tim’s…”  
“Father,” he filled in. “Could I have a coffee please?”

-o-o-o-

Steph only knew about Bruce Wayne through the tabloids and through his children, and these two sources were wildly different. Even if she was more likely to believe the latter, tabloids were great for two reasons. One: to laugh at these ridiculous stories provided. And two, which she had realised yesterday after Bruce Wayne walked into the shop: free entertainment on her close friend and his family.  
“Timothy Drake-Wayne leaves gala early: cheating on girlfriend?!” Steph read out from the headline. Tim rolled his eyes.  
“That’s not even slightly true,” he sighed. “I don’t even have a girlfriend.”  
“I should think not,” nodded Steph. “I would be very offended if you hadn’t told me.”

-o-o-o-

Steph had agreed to join Tim in his house for a movie night. In his house. Not, as she discovers is the truth, his manor which has gardens stretching so long so literally cannot see the end. Turns out, living with Bruce Wayne has its perks. Including a cinema room.  
When Steph arrived, the door was opened by an elderly man dressed up in a suit. He looked at her appraisingly—not cold, not mean, but Steph felt the need to pull down her sweater a bit further anyway. Then the man’s face broke into the slightest smile, and he gestured her inside, taking her bag.  
“You must be Miss Brown,” he said with a crisp British accent. “My name is Alfred Pennyworth. It’s a delight to meet you.”  
“Okay,” Steph said after a moment, because she really didn’t know how else to respond. “Um…nice to meet you too? And really, it’s just Steph—or actually it’s Stephanie, but most people use Steph because it’s just—”  
“Steph!” Tim called then from the base of the stairs, thankfully interrupting the rambling. Steph gladly shuts up.  
Tim quickly guided her along the hallway as Alfred walked off. As soon as he was out of sight, Tim burst out laughing. “Your…face!” He gasped out in between laughs. “Oh my—that was brilliant!”  
Steph stood by with a raised eyebrow as Tim caught his breath, then swatted him. Tim sobered quickly with a guilty expression. “Sorry,” he grimaced with a consolidatory pat on the shoulder. “The kitchen’s through her.”  
They entered the kitchen to find two figures sat there. Damian looked up, saw who it was, and left with a glare—though she couldn’t tell who it was for—and without a word. Bruce Wayne stayed sat at the counter awkwardly.  
“Hello, Stephanie,” he greeted after a moment. Steph was reminded horribly of the encounter a minute ago with Alfred, who she was assuming was a butler of sorts.  
“Hey,” she greeted, trying to pretend that she wasn’t supremely awkward. Tim raised an eyebrow behind Bruce’s back as he busied himself with making popcorn. The room was silent. The only sound was the microwave’s repetitive beeping. Eventually the alarm went off and Tim scurried over to take out the popcorn, holding out the bag of Steph before running out the room.  
“Bye,” Steph waved at Bruce after they had been staring at each other for a good few seconds.  
For a billionaire playboy, the man was incredibly awkward. She was never believing the tabloids again.

-o-o-o-

“And I’m here why again?”  
“Steph!” Tim groaned, looking very frenzied. “You’re here because I cannot stand going through this gala alone, and Kon’s on holiday, Tam’s busy, and Harper and Cullen are both working. You’re literally my only hope.”  
“Calm down, Princess Leia,” Steph tutted as she turned back to the mirror to smooth down her dress, before muttering, “Your last hope after four others, I’m super honoured Tim—”, breaking off when Tim swatted her in the back of the head.  
“Concentrate!” Tim insisted. He looked, Steph thought, a bit like a very flustered hen.  
“Calm down, Timmy,” Steph sighed. Tim’s phone lit up with a text from Duke: where r you 2? Pls come and suffer w/ the rest of us. “Fashionably late,” Steph grinned at Tim. He groaned again and grabbed Steph’s hand.

The party was in full swing when they arrived: or at least, Steph assumed it was, because although there were plenty of people milling about, no seemed to be doing anything ‘party-ish’. Tim nudged her side and pointed to where Duke had stationed himself by one of the food tables.  
They made their way over, Tim pulling Steph around the group of rich people and waving at certain ones. “Who’s that?” Steph hissed as Tim kissed some old lady on the cheek and made up a poor excuse to continue walking.  
“No idea,” he muttered back through a fixed smile. Steph sniggered and they took their place by Duke, who was stifling laughter at something else. They both followed his gaze to see that an incredibly uncomfortable Jason had been accosted by Vicki Vale, and she was firing questions at him.  
“I thought she was banned?” Tim snickered. Duke rolled his eyes.  
“She just showed up. Invite and everything, I reckon she badgered the security guard so much that he let her in just to shut her up.”  
Dick arrived at that point, his hand on the shoulder of a grumpy Damian, who took one look at Steph and gave an outraged cry. Dick grimaced and firmly handed him off to Duke before swanning through the room to rescue Jason.  
“Why are you here?” Damian spat the moment Dick had left. Steph raised an eyebrow. Duke sighed.  
“Sorry,” he apologised. “Damian was a bit upset when Bruce told him that he couldn’t bring his pets. Last time he snuck in Titus and he knocked over the Mayor.”  
Damian sniffed haughtily, turning his nose up, but Steph was far too used to him to be bothered.  
Apparently, Dick had managed to charm Vale, because he and Jason arrived at that moment. Jason nodded to her, pulling a phone out of his leather jacket and texting what looked like a group chat.  
“Roy says that you should have let me pour champagne on her,” he muttered to Dick, who neatly hit him on the head and manoeuvred away round the circle.  
“Now!” He cheered, lifting the tablecloth. “Who wants food?”  
Underneath the table, which was covered in what Steph supposed was typical rich people food, was a raised platform covered in trays of—well, not junk food, but it was definitely nicer, sandwiches and little finger food plates.  
“Alfred always makes it for us,” Tim explained in Steph’s ear as the plates were handed out. “It makes Bruce so mad because Alfred insists that he keep up appearances and eat what the catering company provides.”  
“Woah,” Steph murmured, though she isn’t really surprised: she’s only met Alfred a handful of times but she’s half convinced that he’s a god.  
“Yeah,” Tim chuckled as they emerge with laden plates. “He’s awesome. Hey, want some punch?”  
So the gala really wasn’t very bad at all. Babs made a brief appearance before Dick whisked her away to dance. Intermittent people arrived to greet them, but they ignored her for the most part. Bruce came over every so often, looking wistfully at their food, but he always got pulled away. Nothing much happened at all until near the end of the night, when a group of older ladies who all looked the same surrounded Damian as he returned from speaking with his dad.  
“What a cute young man you are!” One of them cooed, squeezing Damian’s cheek, which—no. Steph could already see this playing out badly.  
The others all nodded in agreement, one of them saying, “Just like your father!”  
“Of course,” whispered the one in the blue dress in her friend’s ear, quietly, but definitely not quietly enough, “Because he hardly got it from his tart of a mother.”  
Damian’s eyes widened in anger, but before he could do anything, Jason walked past and ‘accidentally’ spilled his glass all over her.  
“Whoops,” he grinned. “Soz.”  
The lady turned with an expression of anger, her friends making gasping noises, which just about gave Dick time to move in and stand in between Damian and the gaggle of old socialites. The room had fallen silent, everyone turning towards them like moths towards a—well, maybe not a flame. The beginnings of wildfire, perhaps.  
“How dare you?!” The woman screeched, dabbing furiously at her dress. “You little street rat!”  
Bruce was on the other side of the room, but rather angrily bean to make his way over. Before he could, Duke reappeared from wherever he’d gone. He was accompanied by a Great Dane, a hissing cat and, of all things, a turkey, which was squawking almost as loudly as the woman. They all charged forward to their master, causing a flurry of cries from the unfortunate people who had been in their way. Tim had set to work arguing with some of the press who were trying to take photos. From across the ballroom, Bruce met Steph’s eyes. His coldly furious expression slipped long enough to give her a proud smile. Steph laughed and ran to join in.

-o-o-o-

**HEADLINE: WAYNE FUNCTION UNRAVELS AS FAMILY SPARK A RIOT, ENDING IN FOOD FIGHT**

-o-o-o-

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. as I said in the tags, I pinkie promise that I didn't forget Cass; I just wrote her story first, then realised that if I wanted a backstory I should write this first, then was too lazy to figure out a way for her be mentioned properly here. Oh well.
> 
> (That's actually a lie, I was going to end it with Tim saying something like, "You think this is bad, you should meet my sister", but then I decided that I like the headline better.)
> 
> (Steph loves this family but she'd never admit it to their faces.)


End file.
